Earning it!

On December 11th, 2017, I was studying for my organic chemistry 2 final exam. Knowing me I study for 30 minutes and I take a break for an hour. When it was time for a study break, I opened my email and I saw on the subject line,

“Invitation to Interview: Biological Sciences Ph.D. Program at Notre Dame, please respond by December 19, 2017”. My brain hasn’t yet registered what that email was all about, so I opened the email and I saw,

“Congratulations!!! Your application to the Ph.D. program in the Department of Biological Sciences at the University of Notre Dame has risen to the top of our applicant pool. Therefore, I am writing in my capacity as the Director of Graduate Studies to invite you to our interview weekend, January 25-28, 2018.”

My hands started to shake and the first thing I did was to leave the library. I then called my mom and dad in Palestine. My dad answered the phone and the first thing I said, you will not believe what I just received.

Dad: “an invitation from one of the universities”.

I started jumping in front of the library and screaming YES YES YES; I received an invitation from the University of Notre Dame. I could hear my dad’s happy tears on the phone!! As expected, due to my excitement studying for my Organic Chemistry final was a struggle, but I ended up doing well. A few days before Christmas, I received a call from the University of Utah also inviting me to an interview. I was so thrilled to have multiple PhD interviews lined up, I was literally like a little kid opening her Christmas presents.

On January 25-28, 2018, I attended the interview weekend at the university of Notre Dame. This weekend was one of the best weekends of my life, because I felt that all my dreams were coming true, and all the hard work was paying off. During my visit, I felt at home, and I felt that I belong there. However, the whole weekend, I kept reminding myself that I have not gotten accepted yet, therefore, I should not get too attached.

On February 1st-4th, I visited the University of Utah, the weekend was fascinating. Salt Lake City was marvelous, and even though the interviews went great and I did my best, like always I was in a constant worrying state.

On February 6th, I was freaking out because I haven’t yet heard from the university of Notre Dame or Utah. At 12:30pm I was sitting in my immunology class freaking out and not concentrating, because I was so keen about getting accepted at ND. I wanted to pursue my PhD there, and most importantly I wanted to be at the right academic environment that would help me contribute to the production of knowledge in the biological sciences. I worked so hard throughout the years to reach to this point and now I was just going to have to wait. My thoughts were, however, simultaneously running in the opposite direction and I was a bit negative in my expectations. I wondered, what if they didn’t like me, what if the committee thought that I was not good enough, what if my low GRE scores weakened my chance of getting accepted, what if I said something stupid during my interview, what if, what if, what if.

Despite these negative and frightening thoughts, I nevertheless tried hard to concentrate on my lecture, but a feeling deep down gave me a sense of hope and led me to forget about the lecture for few minutes and open my email. When I opened my email, I saw a subject entitled: “admission to the biology Ph.D. program at Notre Dame”, I remember opening the email as fast as I could and the first thing I saw was,

“Dear Natalie, CONGRATULATIONS”.

I remember reading just these words multiple times to make sure I am not misreading the email. Then I remember looking at my friends Amy and Hannah in class and I was like, AMY! HANNAH! I got accepted at NOTRE DAME and happy tears started rolling down my cheeks. Of course, that was probably my first time not paying attention in class and being distracted while as well distracting my classmates/friends. Due to that, my professor asked me:

“Natalie are you okay? I am worried about you”, she repeated these words probably twice during class and after class, I went and told her the news. If you have attended Winthrop University you will believe me when I say that the professor literally screamed, jumped and hugged me! Afterwards, I called my parents, brother, and my boyfriend to inform them about the great news and I also went to my professors’ offices to tell them the news. February 2nd was one of the happiest days of my life.

On February 7th, I received an email from the head department of the molecular biology at the University of Utah informing me that I got accepted into the program. I was thrilled. Now it was all up to me whether I want to go to Utah or ND. It was one of the hardest decisions that I had to make, because I loved both universities. After taking the time to think about what would be the best fit for me, I accepted the offer at the University of Notre Dame. As I mentioned above it was not an easy decision, but I saw myself excelling more at the University of Notre Dame.

When I was 14 years old, I could never imagine pursuing my PhD. As a high school student, a 2.5 grade point average was all I ever expected. In fact, I remember getting the lowest grades in class. I was the kid who was kicked out of school in the first grade, because I was never able to reach the reading, writing and math levels that were required for a first-grade student.

As a result, my parents had no choice but to move me to College Des Frere/ De la Salle High school (which has first through twelfth grade). It was the best decision that my parents have ever made. People thought that I was stupid or lazy, however, no one understood that I have learning disabilities, such as dyslexia and dyscalculia. Unfortunately, schools in Palestine did not have programs that help students with learning disabilities. Fortunately, College Des Frere opened a program for students with learning disabilities when I was in 5th grade. I was lucky enough to have teachers who were kind, understanding and helpful. Since the program was not 100% developed at the time, such as the programs in the United States and Europe, it was not easy for me to excel. My reading and writing improved a little, but not much and I was very deficient in math. I reached to a point of giving up, but my parents never gave up on me, even though they were told by many people to let me quit school and learn something “practical”. In 10th grade, I had one of the best science teachers. He was one of the few teachers who when I asked for help after class he would happily help me understand the material presented and sometimes he would even repeat the whole lecture. This became my favorite class because I was able to understand the various topics presented to us in class. Between 10th and 12th grade I began to seriously think about going to college to study biology. During my senior high school year, my parents, as a result, of my insistence, began to search online for a college in the United States. They concentrated on finding colleges in the US because they knew American colleges and universities have advance programs in accommodating students with learning disabilities, or in fact, any kind of disabilities. Also, given that I could not take the Palestinian National examination (the Tawjihi) with the necessary accommodations that, in my opinion, should be given to all students with learning disabilities, I decided not to take the exam. Without taking and passing the tawjihi exam, I would not get accepted to any local universities.

In June 2013, I was admitted to Scott Community college, in Bettendorf Iowa. I started from the bottom; instead of taking calculus as many freshmen students in college do, I took pre-Algebra, because I knew that my skills in math were horrible and I could not be a biology major, without improving my math skills. I remember my first two semesters in college, I would call my brother and my parents almost every day crying because I was really struggling and afraid to fail. Taking math wasn’t easy at all, but I kept reminding myself that in order for me to be a biologist, I should do well in math even though I hated it. After spending two years at Scott Community College, and with the help from the department of the disability services I ended up doing very well.

I then transferred to Winthrop University to pursue my B.S. in Biology. In summer 2016, I successfully finished my last required math class (calculus); it was for sure a relief. Summer 2017 was one of the most stressful summers of my life, I was studying for the GRE, doing research, and applying for graduate schools. Here I am today, I graduated from Winthrop University on May 5th,2018 and I will be attending the University of Notre dame to pursue my PhD starting August 2018. I guess Life is good but challenging.

The reason behind naming my blog “The impossible” is because I personally believe that NOTHING is impossible when it comes to achieving our dreams and goals. In every journey we are going to face obstacles, but sometimes we see these bumps in life as barriers that we cannot ever cross. We start giving up, and unfortunately, that’s when we start listening to people who do not want us to succeed in life. That’s when these “impossible” barriers become real for us.

I want to end this by saying that instead of seeing these obstacles as barriers that we cannot ever cross, we should face these bumps in life and walk the path that enable us to reach where we want to be, regardless of the struggle. As they say:

“if you want it, you need to earn it”.